A few minor entries from the Book of Grievances.
1. People who say EXspresso when referring to a lovely, delicious drink. First, Italians invented it and they do not use the X. Second, it is not fast. Or at least not at the hipster infected joints where I am doomed to line up for mine. Jesus there are at least 8 nozzles sticking out of that piece of engineering mastery. You, behind the counter! Challenge yourself, you slouchy, bearded, ironically odd-socked, be-spectacled weedy reed of a boy. This entire world cannot be expected to move at the same pace that Portland, Oregon has chosen for itself.
2. Half-assed busking. You know these guys…hanging out by the liquor store or library playing a recorder (likely rescued from the garbage of some disillusioned third grader), bleating away at nothing in particular, thinking that simply showing up will earn them some coin. You, sir, are just a panhandler with no style. At least my favourite panhandler sings TO ME. Yes, with lyrics in accordance with my appearance that day. He is rewarded handsomely and there you stand, smashing the guts out of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. C-C-G-G-A-A-G for fuck’s sake! Christ almighty, when the squeegee kids are out-performing you with their Fisher-Price pianos and trained rats, you may as well chop that thing up and use it for firewood.
Also, jugglers can sit on it and spin.
3. People whose every third word is ‘like.’ Continue with this in front of me and I swear on a kitten’s head that I will kick you so hard in the slats that your nostrils will be plugged.
Having reviewed the above entries, it would appear that I also have grievances against hipsters, Portland, and jugglers.
Fair enough.
I love EXpresso… and I spend my days half-assed busking on rural roads/trails.
I love grievances; we share many the same.
I am a founder member of the anti-juggling league.
Just because you have nothing better to do except smoke pot and toss balls about. Whilst I have to work my roe out, doesn’t mean I should be impressed. Those Diabolo things count as juggling as well.
If you’re juggling stuff set on fire I’m only interested when you grab the burning end and you get hurt.
Yes. I have a mean and nasty streak.
haha. Diablos. I reserve a special place in the book for them and their owners. Personal experience.
The busking thing gets to me, as well. I mean, if you want my money, you better earn it, Buster. Sing me a Showtune, or make me a Happy Meal, but DO something productive. And while we’re on the subject, why do healthy young men (and women) have to sit on the street and beg for cash? Why can’t they be a fry cook, or a bus boy like the rest of us had to? Hell, they could be even become an annoying hipster/barista! Is that going to cut into their valuable sitting-and-not-showering time?
And since you know how I feel about spelling, you know how I feel about people who say eXpresso.
Heehee, I do love this first installation and I feel a kinship with chaotic, if only for that streak…
#4 People who use the word UM after every 3 or 4 word.