Eyebrow: an area of hair above the eye, coming in many forms:
1. The Overpluck. An overreaction to naturally bushy brows. Often resembling punctuation such as a question mark. E.g. Oh honey, who let you have the tweezers?
2. The Valley Girl. Better developed, and done with more skill, but like its namesake’s elocution it still ends on an upward note of inflection. Oh my GOD.
3. The Chola. I’d make a snide remark but I fight like a girl. A really pathetic girl. So I’ll just let this speak for itself.
4. The Choly Shit! The only eyebrows designed specifically to offer no emotional inflection whatsoever. This mugshot is from her fourth arrest for stealing levels from the local hardware shop. Tragic.
5. The Porn Brow. It’s a brow that announces a career destination and limitation all at once.
“I had dreams….dreams of being an executive.”
” No, Brandyleen, them brows is a gift from God! He wants you to pull that there train!”
6. The Scouse Brow. Designed and proudly worn by the ladies of Liverpool, England. Note how the heavy pencilling on both brows draws your eye to the negative space between them.
Yes.
But hey! Let’s not forget the gents! They have some pretty great brow work themselves.
7. The Manly Brow
That is quite the— what? he’s a what? NO. No way.
I thought it was Steven Tyler.
Let’s move on.
8. The Winged Beast.
“The natural function of the wing is to soar upwards and carry that which is heavy up to the place where dwells the race of gods”
Hey, Plato, when you’re done with writing deep verse, can we borrow some clippers? Or your lawn mower?
Finally, let’s wrap up this encyclopedia entry with a classic:
9. The Uni Brow. I’d write something witty here but I’m busy making an appointment with my dentist. Just a little preventative work.
“We negotiate a good price, fair price, yes? Get in.”
Oh it was quite a ride.
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The absolute scariest ones are the ones that are tattooed on. The Choly Shit is one of those. If you google tattoo cat eyebrows, you’ll find a treat or two.
The Scouse is, er, lovely though. I think I will play with my makeup this weekend. And wine.
7 SCARES ME
7 kind of makes one come to a complete halt and then move along quickly.
Brandyleen ignored everyone’s advice and went on to Beautician School, where she fell in love with the janitor, had two babies and then found her calling as a real estate agent to the stars.
Lisa, why are you doing trolling the internetz looking up tattoo cat eyebrows? Interesting things people get up to when no one is watching.
Um, well, Failblog has this whole section dedicated to ugly tattoos. quickest way I could remember to find those tattooed eyebrows was google. Doesn’t google ever suck anyone else down the rabbit hole for a weekend?
Also, I saw Brandyleen last week on Maury. Seems the janitor was contesting paternity of the kids
If left untended, mine resemble #8. Until I was in my late teens, one of my brothers used to reply to me almost exclusively with “Whatever you say, Mr. DiFazio.” Number 4 looks like a prototype for an emoticon (one for complete indifference, I’d say).
Ann, google Mr. DiFazio. Report back.
What are you trying to expose me to?! No lovable father figure in Google Images; just some porno dude rocking a c$ck sock. Blech. My brother can’t use that anymore.