Posts Tagged "grooming"

The Encyclopedia Browtannica

Posted on Jan 26, 2012 | 7 comments

Eyebrow: an area of hair above the eye, coming in many forms:

1. The Overpluck. An overreaction to naturally bushy brows. Often resembling punctuation such as a question mark. E.g. Oh honey, who let you have the tweezers? 

2. The Valley Girl.  Better developed, and done with more skill, but like its namesake’s elocution it still ends on an upward note of inflection. Oh my GOD.

3. The Chola. I’d make a snide remark but I fight like a girl. A really pathetic girl. So I’ll just let this speak for itself.

4. The Choly Shit! The only eyebrows designed specifically to offer no emotional inflection whatsoever. This mugshot is from her fourth arrest for stealing levels from the local hardware shop. Tragic.

5. The Porn Brow. It’s a brow that announces a career destination and limitation all at once.

“I had dreams….dreams of being an executive.”

” No, Brandyleen, them brows is a gift from God! He wants you to pull that there train!”

6. The Scouse Brow. Designed and proudly worn by the ladies of Liverpool, England. Note how the heavy pencilling on both brows draws your eye to the negative space between them.

Yes.

But hey! Let’s not forget the gents! They have some pretty great brow work themselves.

7. The Manly Brow

That is quite the— what? he’s a what? NO. No way.

I thought it was Steven Tyler.

Let’s move on.

8. The Winged Beast.

“The natural function of the wing is to soar upwards and carry that which is heavy up to the place where dwells the race of gods”

Hey, Plato, when you’re done with writing deep verse, can we borrow some clippers? Or your lawn mower?

Finally, let’s wrap up this encyclopedia entry with a classic:

9. The Uni Brow.  I’d write something witty here but I’m busy  making an appointment with my dentist. Just a little preventative work.

“We negotiate a good price, fair price, yes? Get in.”

Oh it was quite a ride.