Agony Aunt rocks you like a hurricane.

From the Mail Bag:

Dear Squirrel,

My first sexual encounter occurred during the height of a hurricane. It was a wonderful raging experience though I find I can only be truly fulfilled during full blown storms. Should I leave my lucrative job to become a storm chaser? Is there some way I can recreate the rage without the weather?

Dear Mr. Jablowsky:

Your situation is very unique and brings up a few good points.

1. Despite all the hype and the fuss about her tank top, I really find Helen Hunt generally has a face like a slapped arse.

In conclusion, you don’t need to quit your job, you simply need to set your shower to stun. I think we both know that the shower is typically the scene of the crime for you. And when I say ‘we both know’ I mean ‘yes, I did install a small camera in the shower head.’  Don’t judge, baby – Mama’s got to pay her rent and if that means selling access to streaming video of you busying yourself in the shower while shouting “my cow is flying! MY COW IS FLYING!” then that’s what it means.

Does my plastic cap turn you on, pervert?

I hope this has been of some comfort to you.