Failings Of Others

A fool and his head are soon parted.

Posted on May 1, 2012 | 1 comment

Well there is little about this that isn’t freaking me out.

At first glance, it seems like a great idea. Who doesn’t love having their hair washed? But are you really willing to trust your delicate brain-egg to a cold, uncaring robot who responds not to your needs but to the commands of its overlord, the Toaster King? If we know anything about toasters, we know that they hate us. Otherwise why would they burn our toast every goddamn morning?

So enjoy your scalp massage. Let the robots lull you in to a sense of complacency that smells of peppermint other fine essential oils while imparting shine and body.

Fools.

The Daily Mail nails it.

Posted on Apr 26, 2012 | 1 comment

A new feature on the blog where I pluck some of the best of the best from the Daily Mail’s photos and their captions.

We start this off with, well, who gives a shit really who she is. Some reality TV show drama queen in a show down with her fellow.

I give you the picture:

The caption: “Gutted: Gemma is visibly upset as Charlie tells her they’re finished.”

We NEED this.

Posted on Apr 17, 2012 | 0 comments

Christ we are a rudderless society.

Can you use the tube to also insert a tape worm? Just for long term sustainability of the weight loss, I’m thinking.

That cat named Chip is on your shoulder again.

Posted on Apr 16, 2012 | 1 comment

Cat people. You can’t mention the obvious and enjoyable superiority of dogs as a species without the cat people getting all up in your chow.

Listen, I don’t hate cats. I like all animals. But I have to like one more than the others because that is human nature. Just as mothers have a preferred child from their litters (YES KATHY I KNOW IT’S YOU) so I have a preferred species.

And I’m not just whistling dixie – science backs me up. Let’s look at the evidence.

What cats get up to:

What dogs get up to:

I know who I’d rather hang out with.

Reason #14 Why I Will Never Visit Australia

Posted on Apr 15, 2012 | 0 comments

What greets you upon arrival at the airport.

While I appreciate their honesty, a note mailed directly to me months before I made any decisions about vacation destinations would seem more cost effective.