Mirror, mirror.
I was honking with glee while watching this video until I got to about the 1:08 mark. Then I realized I was watching a video of myself when presented with new and interesting foods.
Oh mirror, you reflect too well.
Also, the little fellow who makes off with the cake? My friend S will describe that exact scenario playing out with me as the monkey. On repeated occasions.
Read MoreMy jaw is suitably slack.
Just hit play.
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
I was by turns amused, concerned, possibly offended, and then scared.
Without translation, the mind boggles. And let’s be honest, we all think that when the camera is off, that guy is terrifying. He rolls into town in an massive limo (which could, in fact, be a mid-sized town car – he’s the size of a wood sprite) and immediately begins blowing through the local supply of hookers and crystal meth.
The soundtrack to my nightmares is now accompanied by yodelling.
Read More
Reason # 6 Why I Do Not Have Chilrdren
I not only giggled hysterically at this,but I would take the baby back dressed in a variety of outfits (a small zebra, a leg of lamb, or what have you) to gauge their effect on the lioness’ reaction.
In fairness to the lioness, the zoo staff really ought to hurl a small goat dressed in a little hoodie into the enclosure.
Read MoreHungry for the Hippo.
I try not to be an overly wanty person. I live in a small space and it gives me the opportunity to think about the acquisition of new items for our home. If something comes in, something generally has to go out. We just don’t have the space – and that’s a good thing, I think.
So understanding that, let me say that I would burn everything I have in my living room right now to have this:
Don’t judge. Just imagine the cocktail parties I will throw.
Read MoreCall me.
Whenever Mr Wry is away he likes to keep tabs on me with the occasional phone call. Despite my normal morning countenance resembling that of a very, VERY angry boll weevil, he does sometimes call in the morning.
As he did this morning, waking me form a sound sleep. A sound but very busy sleep.
Him: Hi!
Me: Herglfflpphd.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Gettingridfaboxahleeches.
Him: What?
Me: Getting rid of the box of leeches.
Him: Did you say leeches?
Me: Yes. The whole box. What a mess.
Him: What are you talking about?!
Me: I had this big box full of leeches. All sizes. So many. What a mess. They got out and they’re everywhere. I found a little shovel and manage to get most of them but the little ones were bursting into baby leeches. So many babies. They stuck to my hands. Really sticky.
Him: What the hell.
Me: Yeah. I have to stop buying stuff like that at the farmer’s market. I just bought it because I’d never seen a box of leeches
Him: Did I wake you?
Me: I think so.
In fairness to Sleeping Cheryl, if Waking Cheryl saw a box of leeches, and the price was right, she’d hover over it for at least a minute, working through various hilarious practical leech joke scenarios in her head before concluding that she likes having friends and abandoning the idea.
Read MoreWry & Ginger cards & notes
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